Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
