Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
