hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
