my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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