the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
