Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
