that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
