Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
