me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he shaved USA in his pubs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize