I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize