My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
