How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
