ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
