Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
