if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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