I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
