____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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