It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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