He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize