It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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