There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
