I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
