I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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