god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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