Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
