he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
