Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
