Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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