I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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