Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
