is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
