i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
