i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
