there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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