Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
