i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
