You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
