I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
