I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize