Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
