So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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