you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
