Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize