Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Randomize
