If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
