Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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