We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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