We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
