so explain again why im purple
no
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
