That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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