dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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