She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
