Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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