Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
