There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sober January is a disaster.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize