so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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