I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
