she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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