hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
