i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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