Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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