YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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