never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
