mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
