I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
