This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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