Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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