Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
