I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
