my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I believe in your delicious
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
