I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
