So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
