Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love how my cats smell like pot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
