You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
