you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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