guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
