Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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