U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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