Buhtt sex?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
