The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
