I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
