Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
