I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
