'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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