nutella sex= disaster
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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