This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
