Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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